Happy Mothers' Day

There is no greater thing in the world than to love and be loved.  This is the joy of being a mother.
Mothers' Day is the perfect opportunity to take stock of just how great it is to be a part of a family and to remember just why relationships are so much more important than material goods. Why giving up the chance to be rich and famous and hugely successful for being the mother of 4 excellent children is just so worth it.

On Friday at school the P+C ran the annual Mothers' Day stall.  As P+C President I had a big role in bringing it to fruition. We bought a bunch of gifts, laid them out on tables and allowed the children to buy them for $5 each.  Watching how much fun the kids had deciding on what to buy mum, and the thought and deliberation that went into their decisions was gratifying.  The children really did seem to reflect quite seriously on what gift would most suit their mother/ grandmother.  Allowing the children this opportunity was an important part of them growing up and becoming responsible, caring and empathetic citizens.  It also taught them about value and how to make discerning choices with their money.

I 'manned' the jewellery section of the stall and when my own child, Harry came up to purchase his two gifts, one for me and one for Ninny, I saw him pick a gift for Ninny.  He chose a necklace with a crown pendant, because Ninny is like a Queen.  How sweet.  (Although, I suspect it had something to do with her age and that she is almost as old as the actual Queen, but we wont dwell too much on that.)  I didn't notice Harry choose anything for me so guessed that he had picked another item from elsewhere on the stall.

He didn't.

He very stealthily ( I love that word) chose me a piece of jewellery too.  He presented it to me this morning.  A gorgeous Tinkerbell fairy pendant.

Sarah left me a package that I found on the kitchen bench this morning.  She wrote me a beautiful note which I shall reproduce here:
The front of the envelope said......
To Mum (please feel free to open this envelope as soon as you see it) [although you might like to stare in wonderment at the purple wrapped thing on the bench awhile]
Inside the envelope it said.....
Dear Mum,
Although I may not be up yet I would still love to wish you a fantastic mothers day (!) because you are amazing. I would love to thank you on behalf of myself, who has grown up to a grateful adult under your generous care, and for little Ellie who I can see adores you as much as I do and you will never lose our endless love.
Enjoy those breakfast croissants,
Love Sarah xxx ooo

It brings a tear to the eye.  How beautiful is that?

It reminds me of a conversation I was having with Steve earlier in the week.  I was discussing with him how we vary the way we parent each child depending upon their personalities, and also how little they realise why because they can't see the full picture of who they really are. I was postulating with him that do any of us really know who we are.  We know who we think we are or who we'd like to think we are, but others see us differently, and those who know us the best are the ones who, no doubt know us better than we know ourselves.
Evan is a good example of this.  He told me the other day that he can't wait until he has kids of his own.  He would be very tough on them and not let them get away with anything (Evan thinks we are too lenient on Harry). At first I was worried about his poor future children (my grandchildren) then I remembered what I was like at sixteen and the world views I had then are totally different to what I have now. I wasn't even going to have children at all when I was sixteen, I thought kids were annoying little messy things. Now look at me, I am head over heels in love with my four kids and adore them beyond compare. (Yes they can on occasion be messy and annoying, but they are an absolute blessing and I can't even begin to imagine how empty my life would be without them).
So here is Evan at sixteen, confident and assertive and very articulate.  He is aware of his righteousness and his ability to express it. How did he get like this? Was it in any way our parenting?  With a different style of parenting could he have grown up to be introverted and depressed?  Quite possibly.
I heard a story the other day about a teenage boy who had written a suicide note.  He sounded like a very sensitive child born into a family where he wasn't accepted for who he was.  His parents had an expectation that he would more fit the model of a boy's boy, motor bike riding, rough and tumble type.  Instead he just wants gentle love, not the tough love he is being given.  How sad for him.
It's so true that many many boys need more gentle love.  I am not the first mother to notice that her sons are far more delicate and emotional than her daughters.  I remember reprimanding Sarah over a certain misdemeanour (say drawing on the wall) and she would just look at me like it was nothing.  I would lay it on a bit thicker really telling her about what she did was completely inappropriate and how she'd now have to clean it, or lose her textas, etc etc, and she would blank faced take it like it was water off a duck's back.   I wasn't sure that I was getting through to her at all.  Then along came Evan.  I wouldn't get two words into a ticking off and he'd collapse into a ball and be totally devastated.  Steve and I learnt very quickly that we had to way back off the discipline with him, he was far more sensitive than Sarah.
That's just one example of how we adjusted our parenting to suit the personality of the child.  All through their lives there are many more examples.  Certainly dealing with teenagers requires a tailored situation, no one size fits all there.  But I do believe that Evan is confident today because we didn't crush his spirit, or make him 'man up' when he was growing up.  He is also loving and affectionate and very comfortable with who he is.  But he wont necessarily see or appreciate that his upbringing had anything to do with who he is today.  In fact if anything he (like we all did) will focus on his parent's shortcomings. Ah it can be a thankless job sometimes, lol.
No not quite thankless, just very very hard, but also rewarding 1000 fold. There's nothing I would rather be doing. So thank you, my gorgeous children, for the necklace from Harry, the tea and mug from Sarah, the foot massager from Evan and the Love that you all share with me.  I love you all so very very much.

Toy library may close

After excitedly joining the Coffs Harbour Toy Library last month, I have since found out that they look like they have to close because of lack of funds.

After speaking with one of the other toy library members I found out that for the past couple of years the committee have approached council for help with paying the rent and have applied for grants, but have gotten nowhere.  Even inviting each counsellor out to have a look at the toy library only resulted in two of them bothering to turn up.  What a shame that the council is so apathetic about a service that provides such a wonderful resource to Coffs Coast families.

In the month that I had the toys that I borrowed, Ellie has learned to walk.  She was just starting to take a few tentative steps, and I thought a few 'push along' toys would be good for her to gain her confidence.  This was the reason that I first signed up at the toy library.  It seemed silly and wasteful to buy a toy that would suit a developmental stage that she would only be in for such a short time.
On Friday we returned our first lot of toys and were able to borrow a whole lot more that now better suit her as she moves to a new developmental stage of walking independently.

Here is a letter that I have drafted and intend to send to Council.  I don't know if it will do any good, but the more people who speak up, hopefully they will start to take notice.  Families of Coffs Harbour definitely deserve a better deal.

How can the Coffs Harbour City Council sit back and allow the Coffs Coast community to lose the fantastic resource of the Toy Library?

The Toy Library has been running for 30 years and has served generations of Coffs Coast children.  It has enabled families to access a variety of quality toys at very low cost. By being able to borrow toys relevant to a child’s developmental stage of growth, the toy library ticks the boxes of being environmentally, socially, and economically responsible. Yet now, we are at risk of losing this service due a lack of funds.  The volunteer and membership base that runs and pays for the service can no longer meet its rising costs.

 

The Coffs Harbour Toy library attracts no outside funding.  It is financed through the levying of membership fees upon its members and volunteers.  Unfortunately, membership fees can barely cover rent let alone the purchase and repair of toys and general running costs.  The toy library now needs a commitment of funding from an outside source in order to ensure its survival. We in Coffs Harbour cannot afford to lose this wonderful resource.  For a relatively small investment council could reap huge dividends for the children of Coffs Harbour.  The library is already established, with a large base of toys that can be borrowed, and is staffed by volunteers. By meeting running costs and rent council could ensure the toy library’s continued service.

The toy library benefits the Coffs coast in three key ways:

Environmentally it is a winner. We often pay lip service to the mantra of Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, yet here the toy library is an embodiment of this principle. By allowing families to borrow toys that suit the current developmental stage of their children, they are:

Reducing the amount of consumable products they are purchasing, which the children then out grow and then are inevitably thrown away, ending up as landfill.  Has the council looked at just how much of their landfill is comprised of discarded plastic toys?

Reuse of the toys occurs for many more years than would be the case if they were purchased by individuals for individual use. The toys are cared for, stored correctly and repaired where necessary to ensure their longevity and their availability to countless numbers of borrowers.  The toys get to fulfil a long useful life that lasts longer than they would if used by just one or two children.

Recycle, families can donate quality toys to be used by the Toy library.  These toys then can enter the cycle of reuse through lending to members.

 

Socially and economically the toy library contributes huge benefits to Coffs Harbour families. Coffs Harbour is notably a low socio economic area.  What better way to help families that are struggling financially than to have a toy lending service?  If we didn’t already have a service like this, it would be something that council would need to consider setting up in order to help children from disadvantaged families. Council has a responsibility to provide services for all ages and to provide opportunities for disadvantaged families to access relevant quality services. The toy library is one such service, and it is important to all Coffs Coast families.  It represents the type of service that the council should be obliged to provide. Yet here we are not even asking for it to be entirely funded and run by council, but for council to just contribute a regular amount of ongoing funding to ensure the service’s continuance.

 

I urge the Coffs Harbour City Council to take a serious look at the issue of funding the Coffs Harbour Toy Library service.  The toy library represents great value for council’s money because it achieves the triple bottom line of environmental, social and economic accountability.  Coffs Coast, in particular, but the council, more broadly cannot afford to let this service fold.  A commitment to regular funding or a viable solution to finding a low rent facility needs to become a council priority.