Christmas letter to the kids

I had better write this down as it's a tad crazy.  But for confidentiality purposes will not post until after Christmas.  Today I did a spot of Christmas shopping, I didn't really wanna do any, but thought I should at least get the kids something, as an empty stocking on Christmas morning is a bit of a downer.  But we are travelling, 6 people and 1 dog in a car leaves very little room for presents.  So logistically Christmas was needing to be a fairly light affair.  I had a plan and enacted it, which basically involved minimal presents.  One pressie for Christmas morning, a bunch of money, and then a few pressies for when they got back home.  All that sounded logistically fine, but a little lack lustre if you know what I mean.  So as I started to write out there Christmas cards to accompany there one pressie and the money, the explanation I tried to give took on a life of it's own.  I blame the blogging.  The more practise that you get at writing the better you get at constructing interesting (well ok probably slightly crazy) narratives out of any given situation.  I love language and I love the power of words, and sometime you just have to go with the flow, when they are pouring uncontrollably out of the end of your pen.....

This is what I wrote:

Card 1 was to Harry and it turned out to be part 1
Under prior arrangement after much negotiation, Mum and Dad have managed to secure a very special deal with Santa this year.  It took some tough bargaining on your mother's part and much hair pulling and tears on your father's part to finally get Santa to...........


Here I ran out of card so continued on Evan's card

.......agree to our audacious but stunningly brilliant plan.
Now Evan, fear not, drag yourself back from the precipice, do not fall into that abyss of despair, because, wait, there is more.  But to find out what read part 3.

So I continued the rest of the story on Sarah's card, hoping to wrap it up. How wrong I was, it just took on  a life of its own.

So yes, you can tell everyone that all you got for Christmas was this lousy beach towel.  And technically that maybe correct.  But what you are forgetting is the amazing, once in a life time deal that your loving and devoted parents made with Santa.  A deal so good that I have run out of space to explain...........

Here I continued on paper.

Why didn't I start with a bigger piece of paper in the beginning? Yes I am wondering the same thing myself.  I guess I didn't expect that it would take so long to tell you all just how fantastically and amazingly lucky you are.
Dad and I (one night while you were all sleeping) snuck off to the North Pole to have a little chat with Santa and the Elves. Now that feat alone is pretty incredible for two very good reasons:
1. It is extremely hard to find a window of the night time where you are all asleep and we are both awake, and
2. Mum hates the cold, and the North Pole is EXTREMELY cold!!!!! (which probably proves that this was all dad's idea)

But for you little cherubs, your father and I would do anything. So as I said, we snuck off to the North Pole for that little chat with Santa.  Well surprising Santa is not always the big jolly fellow that we have all been led to believe.  To put it frankly he was being a bit of a poo and was not open to our amazing suggestions at all. So he left us with no choice.

We kidnapped one of his elves and held him for ransom. Shhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.  Because part of our out of court settlement was a non disclosure clause. I am only telling you because I have had too much rum and raisin chocolate to eat.

Right, so we ransomed the elf, and Santa begrudgingly agreed to stash some pressies for you back at home while he was doing his Coffs Harbour run. He raved about the improprieties of dropping off presents to an empty house, blah, blah. But we managed to convince him that seeing as he was dropping in to rescue his elf (that we left bound and trussed in a secret location within the house)  he may as well leave something for you there. So you have that to look forward to when you get back home.  I can't promise that it will be very good. Santa may be feeling spiteful, so it could be just a lump of dog poo, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

Now, finally after all these confessions, we figure it's time to pay you for your silence.  THIS MUST NOT LEAVE THE FAMILY !!!!! So here's your Christmas money, spend, enjoy, smile and be happy, because we love you all so very much!
Merry Christmas Our beautiful Children. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
~ oh and remember - not a word!

Now Steve is completely oblivious to my ramblings and I don't think that I will fess up before Christmas.  The whole concocted story can be a surprise to him  too.