Mothers' Day is the perfect opportunity to take stock of just how great it is to be a part of a family and to remember just why relationships are so much more important than material goods. Why giving up the chance to be rich and famous and hugely successful for being the mother of 4 excellent children is just so worth it.
On Friday at school the P+C ran the annual Mothers' Day stall. As P+C President I had a big role in bringing it to fruition. We bought a bunch of gifts, laid them out on tables and allowed the children to buy them for $5 each. Watching how much fun the kids had deciding on what to buy mum, and the thought and deliberation that went into their decisions was gratifying. The children really did seem to reflect quite seriously on what gift would most suit their mother/ grandmother. Allowing the children this opportunity was an important part of them growing up and becoming responsible, caring and empathetic citizens. It also taught them about value and how to make discerning choices with their money.
I 'manned' the jewellery section of the stall and when my own child, Harry came up to purchase his two gifts, one for me and one for Ninny, I saw him pick a gift for Ninny. He chose a necklace with a crown pendant, because Ninny is like a Queen. How sweet. (Although, I suspect it had something to do with her age and that she is almost as old as the actual Queen, but we wont dwell too much on that.) I didn't notice Harry choose anything for me so guessed that he had picked another item from elsewhere on the stall.
He didn't.
He very stealthily ( I love that word) chose me a piece of jewellery too. He presented it to me this morning. A gorgeous Tinkerbell fairy pendant.
Sarah left me a package that I found on the kitchen bench this morning. She wrote me a beautiful note which I shall reproduce here:
The front of the envelope said......
To Mum (please feel free to open this envelope as soon as you see it) [although you might like to stare in wonderment at the purple wrapped thing on the bench awhile]
Inside the envelope it said.....
Dear Mum,
Although I may not be up yet I would still love to wish you a fantastic mothers day (!) because you are amazing. I would love to thank you on behalf of myself, who has grown up to a grateful adult under your generous care, and for little Ellie who I can see adores you as much as I do and you will never lose our endless love.
Enjoy those breakfast croissants,
Love Sarah xxx ooo
It brings a tear to the eye. How beautiful is that?
It reminds me of a conversation I was having with Steve earlier in the week. I was discussing with him how we vary the way we parent each child depending upon their personalities, and also how little they realise why because they can't see the full picture of who they really are. I was postulating with him that do any of us really know who we are. We know who we think we are or who we'd like to think we are, but others see us differently, and those who know us the best are the ones who, no doubt know us better than we know ourselves.
Evan is a good example of this. He told me the other day that he can't wait until he has kids of his own. He would be very tough on them and not let them get away with anything (Evan thinks we are too lenient on Harry). At first I was worried about his poor future children (my grandchildren) then I remembered what I was like at sixteen and the world views I had then are totally different to what I have now. I wasn't even going to have children at all when I was sixteen, I thought kids were annoying little messy things. Now look at me, I am head over heels in love with my four kids and adore them beyond compare. (Yes they can on occasion be messy and annoying, but they are an absolute blessing and I can't even begin to imagine how empty my life would be without them).
So here is Evan at sixteen, confident and assertive and very articulate. He is aware of his righteousness and his ability to express it. How did he get like this? Was it in any way our parenting? With a different style of parenting could he have grown up to be introverted and depressed? Quite possibly.
I heard a story the other day about a teenage boy who had written a suicide note. He sounded like a very sensitive child born into a family where he wasn't accepted for who he was. His parents had an expectation that he would more fit the model of a boy's boy, motor bike riding, rough and tumble type. Instead he just wants gentle love, not the tough love he is being given. How sad for him.
It's so true that many many boys need more gentle love. I am not the first mother to notice that her sons are far more delicate and emotional than her daughters. I remember reprimanding Sarah over a certain misdemeanour (say drawing on the wall) and she would just look at me like it was nothing. I would lay it on a bit thicker really telling her about what she did was completely inappropriate and how she'd now have to clean it, or lose her textas, etc etc, and she would blank faced take it like it was water off a duck's back. I wasn't sure that I was getting through to her at all. Then along came Evan. I wouldn't get two words into a ticking off and he'd collapse into a ball and be totally devastated. Steve and I learnt very quickly that we had to way back off the discipline with him, he was far more sensitive than Sarah.
That's just one example of how we adjusted our parenting to suit the personality of the child. All through their lives there are many more examples. Certainly dealing with teenagers requires a tailored situation, no one size fits all there. But I do believe that Evan is confident today because we didn't crush his spirit, or make him 'man up' when he was growing up. He is also loving and affectionate and very comfortable with who he is. But he wont necessarily see or appreciate that his upbringing had anything to do with who he is today. In fact if anything he (like we all did) will focus on his parent's shortcomings. Ah it can be a thankless job sometimes, lol.
No not quite thankless, just very very hard, but also rewarding 1000 fold. There's nothing I would rather be doing. So thank you, my gorgeous children, for the necklace from Harry, the tea and mug from Sarah, the foot massager from Evan and the Love that you all share with me. I love you all so very very much.
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