stay at home mum

Seventeen years ago I fell head over heels in love with my first baby, a gorgeous daughter with chubby cheeks and the bluest of eyes.
Deciding to be a stay at home mum was easy as I just could not bare to send her off to care and miss out on even a single moment of her life.
My husband and I were young and at the start of establishing both of our careers. He was under a graduate development programme for new foresters and I had just attained a  permanent position as a primary school teacher.
Whilst still pregnant I imagined just taking the allotted amount of maternity leave and then leaping back  into my career.
Post birth, the logistics of managing without family support and the emotional toll of spending time away from my baby meant that I was not going to be getting back into my career any time soon.

As is often the case, once things start to get a little less hectic, along comes baby number two. A lovely big baby boy. The pigeon pair, as people were so fond of telling me.

With two small children, only 21 months apart in age, I became heavily involved in volunteer work. I put much of my energies into being actively involved in the local breastfeeding group, playgroup and, later, preschool committee, in the hopes that I would be exercising valuable employability skills and thus remain employable. As the baby got older I was even able to engage in some paid casual teaching work. Not for long, however, as four years after number two was born along came number three. Another gorgeous bouncing boy.

Ah does love know no bounds? I was quite ready and prepared to again fall head over heals in love for the third time.  I remember a brief moment of doubt before my second was born, wondering how I could possibly love another as much as I loved my first. Call it hormones or mother's instinct, but once baby comes along the falling in love part is effortless and unavoidable. What  glorious feeling it is.

The family story throughout the children's growing life is varied and interesting. I will back fill the stories in subsequent blogs.  The main point of this blog and the reason I have provided a brief overview of my three children is to explore, 17 years after having my first baby, the amazing and no less life changing event of having baby number four!

Yes into an already very full family consisting of a 17 year old, and 15 year old and an 11 year old arrived another beautiful baby girl. Instant love for all of us.  How wonderful it is to experience the head over heels of falling in love again, but also to witness it in the rest of the family too.

Accompanying the wonders and delights of having a baby is also the limitations and restrictions it places on your social life and career prospects.  Just as I was starting to transition into paid work from my professional volunteering roles and start to build my work portfolio, I find I'm catapulted back to the beginning again, facing that age old dilemma, how or even should I attempt to combine paid work with mothering.

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/lifematters/in-defence-of-the-stay-ay-home-mother/5010762


Now 17 years down the track I have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. With my first 3 children I took the view that no amount of money that I could potentially earn in  the workforce could be worth as much as being with my children as they grew up. I would not have to sacrifice my children's needs in order to carve a place for myself outside the family home. I felt that although it can be very hard yakka being home with young children, the pay off in their self esteem and preparedness for life was worth it. I was also confident that being a volunteer in the community was a valuable thing to do and would help me keep in touch with important skills I may later need to draw on when seeking employment.

And then the world went and changed.....

More and more mothers return to work soon after having their babies.  This results in a societal shift in what is considered the norm. It then follows that if you haven't stayed connected with your work place whilst also mothering, you are out of touch and/or there is something lacking in you.

Workplaces themselves have changed with an expectation of constant upgrading of skills and competencies. With experience needing to be current and extensive.  The job market is competitive, particularly in the regional area where I live.  Even relatively lowly paid jobs are hot contested. I remember being sold the lemon while I was at Uni, that a degree would mean something.  It would get you job even if it was not in your field of qualification as it showed you had the skills and work ethic that employers look for.
As far as I can see degrees aren't worth much at all anymore. The workplace has become specialised requiring specific skill sets evidenced with certified courses and recent relevant work experience.  This is not conducive to swapping professions very easily, let alone attempting re-entry into the workforce after an extensive period of absence.

Less mothers staying at home means that there is less and less of that mother to mother support.  It's this support that can help you through a few of the more trying times that you come up against as a mother. Mothers looking for peer support look to volunteer groups. These are already stretched from too few volunteers able to give the time to keep them viable and functioning. Many mothers not only combine mothering and paid work, but also throw a hefty amount of volunteerism into the mix.  Add to this the constant need to be training, retraining and upgrading skills, a mother's life has become an incredibly busy one.

This time round, I have a chance to do things a little differently. There a few key differences seventeen years down the track. Firstly, husband's career is more established, and workplaces have some family friendly policies, so there is some scope for him to share the parental load and give me some opportunities for pursuing paid employment. Secondly, I actually have some family support this time in the guise of my older three children. In particular my oldest daughter who is competent and willing to mind the baby. It's a wonderful feeling to be confident knowing that someone who loves your baby as much as you is there to care for her. Thirdly, in the intervening seventeen years we have had the rise and rise of the internet and the opportunities it presents for certain types of freelancing work.  Sifting through potential scams and competing with people from countries who are paid very low wages, represent some interesting challenges to this type of work. Fourthly, my attitude has changed. Whereas I once believed no amount of money was comparative to the value of raising my children myself, I now realise that view was dangerously short sighted.  Because they do indeed grow up, and then some 10-15 years down the track, where is mum left? One, you want to provide a positive role model for your children that you can and are able to find work, but also for your own self worth, being able to find a job is a very important for how you feel about yourself.  No one wants to turn around one day and wonder where the years went and to suddenly feel irrelevant.
Interestingly, finding work becomes less about the money and more about maintaining some credibility on your CV.  It becomes a CV filler giving some continuity to the document and providing referees for that day when you maybe ready to jump back into the workforce in a more serious manner.
So this is the challenge. How many little snippets of casual work through various avenues will I be able to find? So far I have:
My primary employer, the Department of Education. There is scope for putting my name down for casual teaching work. Sounds good, but presents some challenges. The work is primarily day to day, I usually would get a call at 7am and then rush out the door to teach a class that I know little about until I get them into the classroom. Daunting and anxiety producing.  I personally don't like spending my morning in a heightened state of anxiety over whether the phone will or will not ring and then if it does, what potential stresses I am letting myself in for.  Even if I could manage the angst the best I could offer is one day a week (by arranging for hubby and eldest daughter to share care of the baby for the day). One day is not the way to attract much work your way. The ideal would be if I could get a school to offer me one day a week on a regular basis.
Tutoring has potential and I really like the idea of putting my name down and giving it a go. Tutoring happens after school hours and there doesn't seem to be enough days in the week as most days I am taking the kids to their afterschool activities.
Delivering catalogues, I rang up about that today. Let's see if anything come of it and if I really can earn the money they suggest for the time outlay.
Freelancing on some freelancing websites. Allows me to work from home and the hours I work are flexible. I am busily building a profile now. Later I will try and bid for some jobs and see what happens. Watch this space.
Prac Advisor, this is something I can do and have been doing since baby was born. With help from my eldest daughter, she minds the baby while I visit my student.
Tax preparer I was also able to do with stacks of help from the rest of the family and a supportive boss who was able to give me short shifts out of standard business hours.  This looks like it will be regular work each year during tax season which will be great.
I will keep my eye on the paper and see what other small snippets of casual work turn up, as well as keeping an eye on job websites.  I am not sure that I am ready to go to a job agency yet.  I don't want to feel pressured into taking on more work than I am comfortable with.  Baby is still number one priority.  And quite frankly when I look into that gorgeous face I wonder if I can bare to leave her at all.  She is very firmly wrapped around my heart strings.

Ah the dilemmas of being mum.......To be honest, I don't think any answer, any combination of home/family/work will ever be the right one.  Us mums are hard on each other and the choices that we make and even harder on ourselves.  We need to just keep reminding ourselves to enjoy the ride. Because  one thing having older children has shown me is that  they do grow up all too soon and all that hard work, whatever path you choose, is worth it when you see what  incredible individuals they become.

Wyndham

Here we were half way through July, half way through what is winter in the southern states and we were heading to the very north of Western Australia.  The weather and landscapes were perfect.  The town of Wyndham sits overlooking a dramatic coastline and has one of the world's best sunsets.

AS mentioned at the end of the last post we took the back road to Wyndham so that we could see Valentine and Middle Springs.  We had lunch at Black rock falls.

The closer that we got to Wyndham, the more amazing the country became. Incredible plateaus sitting atop the escarpments.

We set up camp at a local park and then hurriedly drove up to the lookout to watch the fantastic sunset.

That night in camp, we were disturbed by some drunks who broke out into a very loud and aggressive verbal argument.  They were attended to by the local constabulary.

On Monday, we vistied the large Aboriginal statues and watched a local aboriginal man carve into a boab seed with a pen knife.  He carved a picture of a bird, complete with textured feathers.  It was beautiful.

We learnt that boabs could be used for bush tucker. They would grind the innards of the boab seed into a powder and make damper out of it.  They would cook and grind the seeds, mix with kapock roots and make them into cakes.  They could also be mixed with water and honey to taste and then stewed like apples. The young roots were also able to be eaten.

We visited the big Croc, how could we not?  And of course had our photo take there.

Dairy Entry...."Went along Perry's Lagoon Road past Telegraph Hill (where an old World War One era telegraph station once stood) and onto Perry's Lagoon.  loads of Birds there.
I was driving.
We then continued on along Perry's Lagoon Road to the old Hall's Creek Road.  It was constructed in the 1850's for the Hall's Creek gold rush.  There are still lots of stone work intact today showing where the original old track ran.  I drove the 4WD track - it was loads of fun.  
We then popped out at the Great Northern Road Highway and went to the Grotto. 
Had lunch then climbed down inside the Grotto.  It was lovely cool and peaceful."

Kununurra

Crossing the border from the Northern Territory we set our clocks back by one and a half hours.  This meant that our lovely twilight evenings that had been perfect for camping, now were going to end early -we would be cooking and eating the evening meal in the dark.

View from above Kununurra Camp

I personally really like daylight saving as I am more a night person than a morning person.  So I found the lack of evening light disappointing.  It was one of the reasons I loved Northern Territory.

There were strict quarantine laws at the border to Western Australia.  No raw nuts, seeds, plants, fruit or vegetables.  We had finished all of our fresh food, but we decided to stash a packet of alfalfa seeds on the Northern Territory side of the border with the intention to retrieve them on the way back.

We were also slightly concerned that we were going to be embarrassed at the border by the fact that the back seat was littered with the half masticated detritus from the children's car snacks.  There was plenty of seeds, nuts, sultanas, banana skins and  apple cores kicking around on the seats and  in the foot zone, and we secretly hoped that customs would give the car car a jolly good detail for us.

Luckily, we didn't get called out for the appalling state of our car, so subsequently didn't get the free car detail either.  We were waved through the check point with a minimum of fuss.  Perhaps it was hoped that the children's treatment of the mushed up food mass decontaminated the potential of any introduced pests. Or maybe they willfully turned a blind eye, placing us into the too hard basket.

Having Jettisoned all of our fresh food, first stop was Coles in Kununurra to stock up.  We booked into the Kununurra Caravan park where we caught up on washing our clothes and removing the campsite grime from ourselves with lovely hot showers.
The landscape around the town was stunning with more of the lost city style of rock formations.

The town of Kununarra itself was quite pleasant and felt fairly new.  It had been built relatively recently to service the Ord River scheme.

However, even more famously, at the time that we were visiting Kununurra, the town was preparing for an influx of film crew for the block buster movie Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.  There was an air of distinct excitement in the town as it was possibly the most exciting thing to happen to the town in a long time.  Budding future movie stars were seen preening themselves as they dreamed of being recognised as the next biggest talent in being a movie extra. They waited in intense anticipation, sunning themselves to create the perfect movie tan and practising their best facial angles, convinced that they were about to be discovered at any moment.
Kununurra was not a stranger to celebrities.
They have a celebrity tree park. Yes, it's true.
The trees have been planted by various celebrities, perhaps Nicole Kidman will be the next big name to grace the park.

On our second day in Kununurra, 14 July, we went to the Agricultural show. It was pretty cheap to get in, $10 for adults and $3 for kids. The show wasn't very big, but we had a ball.  There was musical entertainment, pavilions of livestock and produce, typical show rides and the best bit - novelty races.  The watermelon races (watermelons for shoes) were hilarious.
In the evening we bought our dinner from various stalls and headed into the bar, a fenced off area where we could enjoy a drink and still see the stage.
For dessert we bought some auctioned off cupcakes from the produce pavilion. What a cool idea, auctioning off all of the fresh exhibits. You could bid on cakes, fruits and vegetables.
We met and talked to some entrepreneurial Mirriwong people who sell some interesting art work,  They carve designs into the outer casing of boab seeds.  They look quite good and for $5 we bought one.  The kids also attempted to create their own on some boab seeds that we had found a long the way.

On Sunday, before heading north to Wyndham, we walked up behind our camp ground and climbed the Mini Bungle Bungles. For a short walk, it afforded fabulous views.

Next, on the back road to Wyndham.....

Gregory NP- Timber Creek - Keep NP

On the 9th of July we decided to move on to Bullita so that we could partake in the guided tour of Bullita homestead. However when we turned down the road to Bullita the sign said that all tracks in that part of the park were closed.  We were not sure if this also included the campsite at Bullita so to play it safe we headed to Timber Creek.

With all of this travelling on dirt roads in an old car, part of our suspension had come loose and we didn't want to risk it on the dirt road to Bullita.

In Timber Creek, we scored a campsite at the Wayside Inn. It was a bargain at only $13 for the night
In the morning in turned out we were lucky that we had chosen to pitch our tent on a slight rise.  The lady in the residence behind us had left the sprinkler on all night and water had inundated all the low lying areas of the camp ground. A couple next to us, from Grafton, got completely flooded out.  The water had pooled right under their tent and wet all of their gear. They were leaving that day and had to spend a bit of time drying out everything before they could get on the road. As they were going to be crossing the border later in the day into Western Australia, they had to get rid of all of their hessian sacks and fruit.  As it happened they had a big shopping bag full of Grafton oranges and mandarines  that they gave to us.  This of course has given us more to eat before we too could cross into Western Australia. We are not allowed to have nuts, seeds, honey, fruit or vegetables.  They actually stop you at a check point at the border and investigate whether you are carrying any contraband.
We were already madly eating our way through our supplies, and now we had even more to eat.  As we were to discover the close that we got to the border, people are only too happy to pile you with food stuffs.  If I am ever destitute and having trouble feeding myself, the Northern territory/ Western Australia border town camp areas would be a sensible place to go for a plethora of free tucker.

Having only stopped the single night at Timber Creek, we traveled onto Keep River National Park after lunch. We managed to get the car fixed along the way, so that was one worry less.
The camping ground we chose to stay at was called Gurrandalang and is set amongst Bungle Bungle type sandstone formations.  It is very pretty

As we keep heading west and no having swapped into a new time zone yet the sun get up quite late.  This suits me fine as I am not an early riser.  I can't really see the point in their being any daylight before about 7 am anyway. This, however, did not deter some very selfish and noisy campers who decided 6 am would be a splendid time to make a whole bunch of noise.

On the morning of the 11th we did the Gurrandalang walk. It was a really pleasant walk.  In the afternoon we looked at an Aboriginal Art Site called Cockatoo Dreaming.  The art was painted in a rocky arch that had grand views over the surrounding countryside.

Diary Entry..... The kids and I love the boab trees. They are so big and ugly, but cool too. So much Character.  The big ones look really old, like 100's of years old.

On the 12th, Steve and I did another walk while the kids stayed behind in the car park watching a video. While on the walk, we discovered Aboriginal Rock art in rocky overhangs.
After the walk we had lunch back at the campsite and then packed up.  Time to head to Western Australia..........

Katherine NT

Katherine sits on something of a crossroads, so anytime spent in the Northern Territory inevitably means that you will visit Katherine more than once.  We certainly did.  Travel arrangements and circumstances found us decending on Katherine numerous times during our travels in the Northern Territory.

After leaving Mary River Roadhouse we travelled onto Katherine and were confronted with no vacancy signs everywhere.  Our plans of staying at low level crossing camping ground were foiled as there were no sites available. After searching around a bit we found Mercure Four Seasons and scored a powered site with ensuite for $29 per night.  It was awfully luxurious to have our own ensuite.

Our time in Katherine was mostly spent catching up with the mundane things like school work, washing and shopping.  The children enjoyed having a network of paved roads around the camping ground to ride on with their scooters.

On the night of the 5 July, we met Steve's parents, Pat and Eric at Kumbidgee Tea Rooms on Gorge Road, Katehrine. Here we enjoyed a buffet dinner.  It offered picturesque outdoor dining over looking a duck pond.  The atmosphere was very relaxed and and great for families with kids. At only $14 per adult and $7 per child for all you could eat it was great value.  It was also BYO.

Low level crossing

On the 6 July, Steve's parents left Katherine and we farewelled them after a lunch at low level. We had a swim at the hotsprings, they were warm, but not hot.  It was a bit cool getting out.

Katherine  Hot Springs

After the parents left we investigated the library and discovered that it had a lot of children's books on CD......Oh so little time to really enjoy the offerings.

We ended up spending an extra night, which meant we could rip some CD's send a group email, and get some more shopping and school work done.  I made the diary observation that the promise of minities works wonders to get the kids doing their school work-amazing.

Flora River reserve

On the 8th we packed up camp and moved onto Flora River Reserve, where we had an explore and ate lunch. We decided that we didn't like it enough to camp there, so moved onto Gregory NP (east).  Here we set up camp for the night at Sullivan's Creek Campsite.  It was not far off the road, but still was quite a nice spot.

Kakadu

rock art Ubir

Ah Kakadu, you either love it or hate it.
Depending on the severity of the preceding wet season many areas can be off limits, which leads disappointed visitors to name the park "Kaka-don't".  I can certainly see how frustrating it can be to travel long distances to a genuine wilderness area in a once in a life time journey and find yourself prevented from fully enjoying the experience.

We, however, fell firmly into the Kakadu (do) camp.  We loved our time there and found that we could explore heaps and yet still leave some to come back to some other time in the future.  There were plenty of free camps to take advantage of, and many, many interesting walks (some ranger led) to enjoy.  It is the sort of experience that demands you get out of your car and explore.  This maybe why some people drive in and then drive out believing that there is not much to do or see there.

Ubir

We approached Kakadu from the northern end as we were coming from Darwin.  First stop for us was a wetlands walk at Malabanjbanjdju. We camped here for a few nights while we had a look around the northern part of Kakadu.  We dropped in on the Bowali waters visitors centre.

Ubir Rock

On the 27 June we stopped at Ubir Rock and explored the area.  The views were absolutely magnificent. There was a lot of rock art there, and it was all in amazing condition. Anna the ranger gave us very interesting insights into the rock and the aboriginal art that we were looking at.

view from Ubir

Gumlom

On the 28th we packed up camp and dropped into Jabiru to shop for supplies.  Jabiru is the commercial centre of Kakadu, where you find normal town amenities like a supermarket, petrol station, and town library. Then on our way south we visited the cultural centre.  There was a lot to look at there. Our destination for camp was Gumlom, in the southern part of Kakadu.  There we met Steve's parents, Pat and Eric, and two of their bushwalking friends Mary and Ray.

Koolpin Gorge

While staying at Gumlom we were very lucky to be able to access a special permit only area called Koolpin Gorge.

Koolpin

View down Koolpin Gorge

 Ray had a key, so we accessed the walk up the gorge and enjoyed the most magnificent views.  It was a very beautiful place and we had it to ourselves for a day, spectacular.

Rock pools at the top of waterfall walk

Back to reality and the rest of the tourists, over the next few days we enjoyed the regular sites with the rest of the crowds. The waterfall walk at Goomlom revealed gorgeous rock pools at the top of a steep, rocky climb.
Steve, Evan and I walked to the south Alligator river via Murril swamp.
Local Aboriginal rangers ran hands on information sessions, showing basket weaving and damper making.  It was a lovely experience, sitting back in the sunshine, trying our hand at local handicraft.

Sandy Billabong

Rock Art Nouralange

On the first of July we packed up camp from Gumlom and headed to Sandy Billabong.  On the way we stopped at Cooinda for lunch.  The campsite at Sandy Billabong was beautiful, tucked right next to the billabong.  The moon rising over the billabong was serene. But as the night wore on the tranquility and quietness turned a little sinister as I lay in our tent trying to sleep. Knowing our proximity to the billabong (eek crocodiles) and the parks reputation for dingoes, every noise outside had me imagining the most horrible and grizzly deaths I would endure as the thin nylon of my tent was going to offer no protection against the sharp fangs of these marauding predators.  Ah to wake up alive the next day, what a blessing.

 Nouralange Rock

Nouralange Rock

On the 2nd of July we visited Nouralange Rock and had lunch at Anbangbang Billabong. Our lunch consisted of vege sausages barbequed over paperbark.

Rock art Nouralange

Rock rt Nouralange

 The rock art at Nouralange was not quite as extensive as Ubir. But we climbed the lookout and discovered some very interesting rock art that was a bit off the beaten track.  It was really interesting and looked like it told a story.  The style was a bit different to the art work we had seen before, so it would have been wonderful to have an interpreter to tell us of its significance.  The view from the top of Nouralange Rock was great as you can see in the photo.

View from Nouralange

Lookout

Diary Entry 2/7/07
Even those who really love Kakadu still find the mozzies a problem. For us they haven't been too bad - The cold nights have substantially reduced the mozzie numbers. That's a good thing as it means we can enjoy being outside without being annoyed by buzzing, biting critters.

Jim Jim Falls

Jim Jim falls

Jim Jim Falls

Jim Jim Falls were not easy to get to, but were certainly worth it once we did.  It involved a rocky scramble to the falls base.  The falls were very tall and very impressive.  It was also nice and cool down in the ravine.  From the end of the track, another rocky scramble takes you across to a sandy beach where you can have a swim in a plunge pool.  Here, the water is freezing!

Diary Entry 3/7/07
We have had so long in Kakadu, but it doesn't feel like we have been here that long at all.  We have really enjoyed everything we have done - the fantastic scenery, amazing rock art and interesting walks.  There is still so much we could do too, but we will have to save it for another day and another trip.  I would definitely like to come back again, this is a GREAT PLACE!!!!

Our Campsite at Sandy Billabong started to get a bit busy and popular, so we decided that it was time to pack up camp and move on.  The kids had a ball playing at the billabong, running and jumping down the sandhill.  We wet our feet in the cool running creek, and Evan managed to lose his thongs, as they floated out into the main river.  Steve had to try and fish them out.  I was expecting a crocodile to come a long and snap them before Steve could capture them.  There was no such
excitement, however.
On our way back past our old camp site at Sandy Billabong, we saw a dingo prowling around looking for food scraps.  We had had our rubbish bag plundered a few days ago and weren't sure it it was by birds or a dingo.  Looks like it may have been a dingo.  I am just glad that they are too shy to try and plunder while we are there.
On our way out of Kakadu, we stopped at Cooinda for fuel.  Then we sadly left Kakadu proper and stopped at Mary River Roadhouse for a lunch of hot chip sandwiches. After lunch it was onward to Katherine and the next leg of our fantastic family adventure.

Farewell Darwin

Our time was rapidly coming to an end in Darwin.  We felt like we had been holed up there for quite long enough and it was time to get this family trip back on the road.
Before we left we looked through the amazing Darwin museum.  It took us 3 goes to see it all.

Saturday 23 June
Recipe seen at the museum from an old wartime women's weekly

Mock Sausages
1 cup of rolled oats
2 cups of salted water
boil these together for 15 minutes.
add 1 finely chopped onion
cool
add herbs to taste
add 1 cup of bread crumbs
shape into sausages
roll in flour
fry in hot oil.

I will have to try this on my elf children

Sarah and Evan after reading Eragon decided that they were going to become vegetarians like the Elves in the book.  I did try to make the sausages, and lets just say they sound far more tasty than they actually were.  Perhaps if we were starving with war time rations, they'd be ok, but they are no decent replacement for meat, that's for sure.

Sunday 24 June

We went to the beach - this will be the last time for a long time.
We visited the museum again.  Finally I feel like we have seen everything - it took 3 goes!
Good thing that it was free.
We did our grocery shopping to top up supplies.
Cooked seasoned chicken pieces and roast vegies in the camp oven on gas stove. Yummy.

Monday 25 June

Harry made a wonderful friend at the caravan park called Eddie.  They are travelling Oz for around 18 months while their house is built.

Bye Bye Darwin, we are off to Kakadu......